


Moonlight

by crawltothemoon (033120)



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/033120/pseuds/crawltothemoon
Summary: “Sometimes you have to defy gravity to be with each other.”
Relationships: Audrey Lim/Neil Melendez
Comments: 21
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**A** fter a very busy day of board meetings and reviewing pending surgeries of her surgeons, Audrey finally had a moment to herself. As she walks along the now empty hallway of St. Bonaventure, she felt the exhaustion of the day reach her. She had been burying herself with work these past few weeks – although there’s nothing unusual with that. She had always loved the hospital. She loved the adrenaline rushing through her veins whenever she gets paged to the ER for a trauma case.

But the reason why she’s over working herself these days isn’t all because she loves her work. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone but deep inside, it’s her way of forgetting her heartache. She’d try to numb the pain with work and tell herself that ‘It’s okay Audrey. Maybe you can’t really have it all, might as well be successful in one thing that will never leave you – your dreams’.

After her breakup with Neil, she tried hard to avoid him. If she sees him, she might question her decision and will end up regretting everything. She still loves him, but fear got ahead of her. She loves him enough to give up her Chief of Surgery position and find some career at other hospitals but when he rejected that option she doesn’t know anymore. After Neil’s blame game with his dead patient she can’t help but second guess all her decisions. His words hurt and it continues to haunt her even after their break up.

‘Heart trumps head’ she once said and only ended up making a grave mistake. This time she uses her head once again just like what she did during her divorce. She makes the hard decision to break them up before things got worst. She doesn’t want their relationship to drift apart because of the constant arguments and pressure at work. In order to preserve their decade long friendship and respect as colleagues she has to lose him as a lover. A big sacrifice for someone she told herself she didn’t love enough.

And the sacrifice was still a disaster she can’t control.

Audrey reached the elevator and stepped inside, pressing the button to her office floor. She feels hungry and remembered that she barely had any food eaten during the day. Just some energy bars to fuel her throughout the day.

She remembered her encounter with Neil the day after the breakup at that same spot. He wanted to make sure everything’s okay between the two of them. That at least their friendship before their romance still exists and unharmed. Audrey should have been happy that he’s willing to still be friends after but she didn’t know what had gotten to her at that moment. She thought it was easy to fall back to friends again but just the sight of him breaks her heart more.

Falling in love with a longtime friend and separating after that wouldn’t guarantee that both of you can fall back to being friends again like nothing had happened. But she didn’t want to have another row with him, especially in public so without clearly meeting his eyes she lied saying it’s all good. What Audrey didn’t know was Neil could see through the lie. Because his actions, his loving gaze directed at her still speaks of his affection towards her. His concern whether she had eaten that day suddenly brought Audrey back to the present as her stomach grumbled.

‘I’m not weak but I need food’ Audrey thought, defying her own statement and started planning of what food she would order at home.

+++

She kept herself busy with work and food but when she received a message from Laura, she squeezed a bit of time for her high school best friend on her busy schedule. They met at the hospital’s cafeteria after Laura brought her baby girl for a check-up with her pediatrician.

“She grows so fast,” Audrey exclaimed as she carried the infant.

“She does. Next time you see her, she’ll probably learning how to walk. I couldn’t get a hold of you. You’re always at a meeting or in a surgery.”

“Sorry, I’ll make it up to you soon,” she promised.

Laura seemed to be satisfied with that. “So how have you been? How are you and Neil?”

Audrey mentally cringed at her friend’s interrogation. She didn’t want to have this conversation at the middle of the day in such a public place like the hospital’s cafeteria. But she knows her friend; she wouldn’t stop once she started playing psychiatrist on her.

“We broke up weeks ago,” she replied keeping herself busy by playing with the infant.

“He broke up with you?”

“I did.”

“Aud…” Laura sighed. “I thought you’re going to give it a chance this time,” she looked at her friend sadly.

“It was a mistake,” Audrey said but she didn’t know anymore which was the mistake – her breaking up with him or the idea of beginning a relationship with Neil. Her heart tells her it’s the former while her head believes the latter.

“This whole thing is complicated. I’d rather not risk the job that I had worked so hard for years,” she simply told her, not wanting to elaborate the real reasons at that moment. Her words hurt if Neil had the chance to hear it but it’s the harsh truth. When her marriage fell apart years ago, it was her job that remained constant. To her, it became her safety net when things get hard outside the hospital.

Laura was quiet and Audrey knew that her friend will reprimand her for listening to the worst of her thoughts again. She waited but was confused when Laura just gave her a sad smile.

“You know what, I’ve never seen you smile so much like that day when you confirmed that you and Neil were dating. That smile was different but familiar. It reminds me of our days in high school where we would beam with excitement when our teacher dismisses the class early…or when we would plan our summer break activities together. Those smiles were genuine happiness because we were not yet aware of how difficult it is to be an adult. I missed seeing you smile like that Aud,” she told her catching her friend’s gaze.

“He makes you happy, so why would you let your fears get in between you? Why would you let stupid hospital rules stand in your way? Where was the Audrey that I know? The one who wouldn’t let her father’s strict rules stop her from enjoying her teenage years...” Audrey chuckled at the reminder of her rebellious years as a teenager.

“Laura, I can’t. I – ,”

“Does he love you?” Audrey nodded remembering Neil’s impromptu confession. “Do you love him?”

“I do,” she whispered. “But it’s not that easy. I’m still his boss and our personal relationship complicates every decision I make with regards to work. I can’t do this thing at the same time Laura.”

She looked at Audrey in disbelief. “I don’t think so. I know you. You’re just afraid to take a risk at love again because you think it will fail. That he will end up leaving like Kashal. So you’re doing this to prevent it from happening isn’t it?”

Audrey avoided her friend’s inquiring eyes.

“Why are you so afraid to be vulnerable?”

“This is Neil. Aud, based from what I’ve heard of him from you over the decade he sounds like a great man. He may annoy you sometimes but you can’t deny that he’s been slowly but surely creeping in your heart from years ago. You’re both finally single at the same time. Shouldn’t you take the chance?”

“Isn’t it worth fighting for?” Laura asked.

+++

“It is worth it right doctor?” Audrey was brought back to reality by her patient’s father. She didn’t realize she had been zoning out while Park was explaining the medical procedure to him. Their patient is risking a very dangerous surgery for his son’s dream. Audrey had not been listening but thankfully Park saved her from answering.

“But sir, this could cost your son’s life too. Don’t you want him to live?”

“Singing is his life. Without his voice, its like I also killed him. He will only hate me more if he comes alive from this but will lose his golden voice. I already disappointed him so much by dismissing his dreams of becoming a singer and forcing him to be in academe like us,” he said looking at his son in his ICU room while hooked on machines that now tries to keep him alive.

“I regret it so much that I didn’t support his dreams. And now this happens…when he’s about to make his dreams come true. He is becoming a singer but he wasn’t fully happy because I wasn’t there to support him. I.. I can’t…” he paused trying to put a brave face in front of his son’s doctors. “Even for the last moment, I want to show that I love him and I support him,”

“Please doctor. Do what you can do to save both,” he pleaded.

Park turned to Audrey for confirmation. With difficulty she nodded.

“We need to have you sign a consent form first. But we will do everything that we can sir,” she told without any promises.

She has a lot of things in her mind at the moment but looking at the situation in front of her she felt pity. Relationships are really complicated sometimes and only in dire situations people feel regret for their mistakes. She thought about her own relationship with a certain person and her heart clenched in regret and frustration.

She’s at the peak of her career. Becoming a chief is a dream come true but it came with the expense of losing an important person in her life…again.

‘Why do I have to keep sacrificing one thing to another?’ she asked herself before taking the elevator with her resident to further discuss their plans for the surgery.

+++

Audrey thought about it for a long time. And after several confrontations with Neil she finally had enough. She needed to deal with these emotions. She took some time to think about what she will be saying to him. Her ego doesn’t want her again to take the first step into reconciliation, even when it is her who suggested the break up.

In her dreams, Neil would also realize that they hurt each other in the process. Him, during his patient’s death. Her, for giving up on their relationship easily. He would realize his mistake in blaming her and she would apologize for leaving. They would agree for a second chance, this time doing their best to communicate with each other.

But that is not the reality. In real life, their ego prevails and miscommunications keep on making a disaster in their relationship. She needs to listen to Laura again and work against her pride.

She’s never comfortable at talking about her feelings. She rarely opens up with anyone, aside from her best friend. So Audrey needed a lot of preparation and mental cheering up before she walked towards Neil’s office one night after their shift.

She didn’t need to knock because he already saw her approaching through the glass walls of his office. She entered and he just looked at her while waiting on what she has to say.

Audrey cringed when she said that their relationship was a mistake. It looks like her speech is making another disaster. She was never good in this aspect. Clenching her fists on her bag and jacket she continued.

“I really underestimated how hard this would be. Yes I’ve been having second thoughts,” she said trying to meet his eyes.

“What are you saying?” Neil asked confused.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. She’s making another mess here when all she wants really is for him to take her hand and say ‘let’s fix this mess’. For a moment she thought he was going to do that when he walked closer to her.

He looked straight in her eyes, full of pain, confusion and frustration. “Good.”

“Its good to know that it’s not easy. It’s good to know that it mattered.” He said before turning away and leaving her alone in his office.

+++

Arriving from hospital, Audrey didn’t bother taking her jacket off and changing into more comfortable and cleaner clothes. Dropping her bag and keys on the table, she headed straight to her bedroom and fell on the mattress exhausted.

A few moments later, she took her phone out of her pocket and messaged Laura. Her heart clenches with pain and frustration as she typed the words before pushing the send button.

“It’s too late.”


	2. Chapter 2

**H** e regretted walking out the moment the elevator doors closed. He was having a bad day but he didn't mean to walk out from her like that. His ego wouldn't want to admit but he acted on impulse as his pent-up frustrations from the whole day got piled up, and it all fell on her. A part of it was him being confused of his feelings. She broke up with him and now she's having second thoughts?

He wants to resent her for breaking his heart but he knew that he can never stay mad at Audrey for long. History had proven it for everyone. No matter how many arguments they get on, work related or not, they always make up at the end of the day. Could this be what finally breaks them apart? Neil hopes the answer is no.

When the elevator door opened, he stepped outside still thinking about her. He didn't have any destination in mind and just let his feet wander in this hospital that had become his second home. Touring St. Bonaventure at the moment brought him back a lot of memories from the past and he can't help but regret his previous actions more.

"I feel guilty whenever I see you two nowadays," Glassman said as he found him staring at the spot where he and Audrey had their last kiss. "It feels like I was the villain in your story,"

Neil gave a wry laugh. "Please don't be. It's our fault."

"It wasn't my intention to break you two. You and Audrey went through a lot together as residents and now as senior doctors that I'm proud of. It was nice seeing you two come together knowing your history," He listened to his mentor while his eyes were looking at ground. "For so many years I saw you fight at day and then having drinks together at night just like nothing happened. What changed now?"

"I don't know," he said sadly. "It was her decision," he said referring to their breakup.

"And you let her go? Without any complaints?" he asked surprised. Neil's silence was his confirmation. "This is not you. The Melendez that I know wouldn't always surrender with Audrey when he thinks something is wrong."

"Sir, this is different. I respect her decision. I don't want to get in her way as Chief."

"Neil, you should learn to recognize it whether you're talking to your boss or your girlfriend. Also, respect is sometimes about stopping fighting with her and fighting for her instead," he emphasized.

"Oh dear, you two got a lot of things to learn. I hope it won't be too late by that time," he sighed.

...

He spent the following days discussing and planning with Dr. Reznick and Dr. Browne about the course of treatment of their patients. At one moment he became infuriated at the constant bickering of those two. Not because he doesn't find their arguments worthy but it reminds him of what he used to do with Audrey before everything went wrong between them. Speaking of Audrey, Glassman's short talk with him gave him a little courage to start fixing this mess with her. But finding her these days is a task on its own. She was always so busy with meetings and their free time clashed with each other. Time is such a mischievous thing.

"We're trying to buy him some time," Claire stressed out and Neil's focus went back to these two bickering residents in front of him.

"At least carboplatin will preserve his nerves. He is a surgeon so he needs his hands," Morgan insisted. "Studies had already proven that."

"And studies tells us cisplatin is better tolerated," Claire argued.

"At the expense of his hands? We don't have assurance if therapy can fix the damage that it might bring,"

"Why are you so obsessed with his hand?"

"And why you don't care? Between the two of us you should be the one empathic of him. I'm supposed to be the bitch," Neil looked at his resident, surprised at her frank admission.

"I care about his life during and after the chemo. That's why I want the one where we can have better results,"

"Losing his greatest asset as a surgeon is not called 'better result' Browne,"

"It's just the hands! And so what if he loses it but prolongs his life Reznick?" her voiced raised.

"Both of you that's enough," Melendez decided to butt in before the debate escalates to something more destructive and personal. "Whatever the decision is, it won't change the prognosis. Besides, it's his right to choose and we will just follow it."

"As doctors we are here to lay down all the choices for the patient's treatment. We try our best to get them better. But we should never engage ourselves in their personal lives. That's where the lines get blurry," He stood up and gathered the files of his patient to bring in his personal office. He needs a peaceful place to think.

"Before the day ends I want you two to get his decision. We need to get started with his treatment fast. Bring the report on my desk tonight," he said before turning towards the door.

...

In the end the patient choose the one Claire suggested. Morgan can't help getting so personal about the situation so she excused herself from the case and went to do her own work alone with the other patients. Melendez didn't mind it as it was just minor cases and the resident could use this as a learning experience alone.

He spent an awful amount of time at work, most of it were cases with Claire which made him get to know more about his resident. He later learned about the death of her mother after the embarrassing situation she was involved with a previous patient.

As her mentor he felt the need to give her mental support in order for her to deal with the complicated grief of losing her mother. It began with early morning or late night workouts at gym which later turned into hanging out at restaurants.

These were just innocent friendly gestures he did to help his lonely resident but he didn't realize that it had an impact with his other residents.

...

"We need to talk," he was surprised to see Audrey seeking him for the first time in weeks. When she showed up that day, his face immediately lit up in happiness to see her. She will always have this effect in him no matter what happens.

"About what?" he was confused when she suddenly closed his door and walk closer. _'Could this be what I think it is?'_ Neil thought.

"It's awkward but we need to deal with this. I received an anonymous favoritism report," she paused trying to keep a serious face against his intense gaze at her. "About you and Claire,"

Melendez frowned at first, finding that report ridiculous. "You can open that door," he told her confidently with a smile. "There's nothing going on with me and Claire."

Audrey looked at him in the eyes with a blank expression for a long moment before replying. "Okay I believe that. But I need to make sure all the residents feel it - equal treatment."

"Who filed that report?"

"Of course I can't tell you,"

"You know about Claire and that scandal before," Neil reminded her. "I'm just try to help her cope,"

"I'm aware of that. And I don't have any issues about you becoming friends with anyone. My point is, if you're going to be supportive of her, do it with all of your residents. To me, it seems like some of your residents felt neglected."

 _'Are you jealous?'_ he wanted to ask her but she looks so serious at the moment he thought he might create more damage by asking.

"Fine. I'll take note of that," he only said but he had different plans in mind once Audrey left his office minutes later.

...

Neil was busy reviewing a patient's MRI with Claire when his secretary interrupted them. "Food is here, should I bring it now?" she asked.

"Sure, thanks," he said and she brought up boxes of pizza and some soda inside the room. The amount of food caught Claire's attention.

"Are we going to eat all of that?" she asked. Neil didn't answer her and instead instructed his secretary to call all the residents for a lunch break. "Oh okay, it's for everyone…" Claire sounded dejected.

When you call with food for the hungry and tired doctors, expect them to be inside the room within seconds just as fast as they respond to emergencies. Morgan, Alex and Shaun soon arrived and devoured the free lunch from their senior.

"What is the occasion Dr. Melendez? Is it your birthday?" Shaun asked.

"No, but I think you guys deserve a free lunch from me one of these days for working hard," he replied watching them eat.

"Oh there's some burgers here?" Morgan mentioned.

"I love burgers," Claire commented.

"Oh I forgot, that's for someone," Melendez held out his hand to take them from Morgan. "I should probably deliver this now to its owner," he smiled before excusing himself.

When he was finally out of the scene Morgan chuckled. "I bet that's for Dr. Lim,"

"They broke up already. Haven't seen them eat together since then," said Claire.

"Those burgers and this pizza screams Audrey Lim to me. This might be what they used to eat between breaks when they were like us," Morgan guessed.

"It doesn't matter that they're not together anymore. Those two were still longtime friends before the romance. You can't just ignore that history especially when they are working in the same hospital. Their relationship goes deeper than attraction to each other," Park said.

"Wow, look at you analyzing relationships as if you didn't go through a divorce himself. So how's you and Mia now?" Morgan teased.

"We're doing fine," he replied. "Just taking effort to make the communication work,"

"You should give Dr. Melendez and Dr. Lim some tips," Shaun suddenly said and his fellow residents looked at him in surprise.

...

He could feel the rapid beating of his heart as he approach Dr. Lim's office. He took the fact of her seeking him out few days ago as a sign that she's done playing hide and seek with him. Maybe the breakup phase is done and they can now go back to the normal times.

He was being sincere when he told Audrey that he was not okay with the idea of her not being around. Even if they were no longer together, just knowing that she's somewhere inside the hospital makes him feel at ease. Audrey had been the one constant person in his life for the last decade and losing her would make a big shift in his life. He doesn't know why but he didn't feel like this when he lost Jessica. When she left St. Bonaventure, he just simply accepted it and moved on with his life.

Knocking softly on her door, he heard her voice telling him to come in.

"Hi," he said giving her that same smile he only reserved for her. She glanced at him and for a moment he thought she's going to grin back. But she kept a poker face instead.

"What's the matter?" she asked before looking back at the paper she's writing at.

"Nothing I just brought you these," he said holding up her paper bag of burger and soda. "The other residents are eating right now and I thought you might want your fair share of food." He caught her off guard and speechless so he added, "Sorry for disturbing you. I'll just leave it here for when you're hungry," he said placing the food at the side table beside the doorway.

"Wait Neil," she stopped him before he makes his exit. He turned to her again. "Thank you," she said with a faint smile.

 _'Anything for you Aud,'_ he wanted to say out loud but was afraid she'll run and start avoiding him again. And so he settled with a nod before rejoining his residents again.

Maybe in the future, they'll go back to eating lunch together just like the old times.

...


	3. Chapter 3

**M** elendez was summoned to the emergency room by his residents one afternoon. An elderly woman was rushed by the ambulance with complaints of pain through her abdomen and lower back.

"Ma'am, is there anyone living with you that we can contact with?" Melendez asked slowly not entirely sure if the woman speaks English judging by her foreign features. He was relieved and little bit surprised when the patient answered him in fluent English.

"The EMT called my daughter. She's on the way right now," she replied in between her moans of pain.

"Okay, Mrs…" he glanced at the chart and back to the patient, "Miller, we will take care of you here to the best we can." He signaled for his third year residents to take action as he observed them.

"You have been experiencing pains in your abdomen…" Morgan responded quickly before Claire got her hands on the patient. Having heard the EMT's report about the patient earlier, she is working a bit faster and more competitive than usual. "For how long have you been experiencing these pain?" she pressed the part of the abdomen where it hurt and the patient gasped in pain. "Sorry,"

"A month, I guess? It wasn't as painful like this. Usually I can tolerate it but now it's too much,"

"Have you taken any meds to alleviate the pain?"

"Some pain relief? But mostly I took meds for my constipation…" she replied weakly. "It—It's so hard lately,"

"Do you experience nausea?" Morgan asked while taking notice of the patient's skin.

"Sometimes."

"Do you notice a sudden loss in your weight lately?" Melendez' brows wrinkled as he realized where Morgan is going through with the patient.

"…its because …I—lost my appetite lately. And I'm afraid to eat more because of this constipation," Morgan nodded and endorsed her to the nurse for an MRI to check her suspicions. She stepped away from the patient to convey her medical opinion to Melendez before leaving to follow the patient.

...

"I knew it. It's pancreatic cancer," Morgan said a little too lively for such devastating news.

"And you sound so happy huh," Claire crossed her arms as she examined the MRI results.

"It hasn't spread yet. She's lucky to have the choice of surgery for treatment. There's still hope," Morgan turned to Melendez trying to convince him to do the surgery. "I've heard you've done this surgery before and I would love to learn from you inside the OR,"

Melendez gave her an amused look before focusing on the images. "It didn't go well the last time I attempted this procedure. And it's a very delicate surgery to do so,"

"But you're skilled enough to do it," Morgan tried harder as Claire rolled her eyes behind her.

Melendez had enough of Reznick's antics, "Thanks for your belief in me but," he held up his hand, "I need to consult the Chief first." It's a risky one and he wouldn't do it without consulting the Chief's opinion for this is the right procedure to do so. After all, he'd learnt his lesson. And so he left his bickering residents to find Dr. Lim.

Claire sipped her coffee as Morgan threw a glare at her.

...

"Thanks for consulting me about this surgery but I think you could go ahead with whatever decision the patients wants," Audrey frowned as she reviewed the case. "Are you having second thoughts because you failed the last time you did this procedure? Neil it has low survival rate. You know it," she didn't notice how his name slipped naturally on her lips.

Inside the hospital, most of the time they've always referred to each other by surnames. But there were those fun times in their friendship where they would call each other's names just to tease or taunt the other in competition. And there were also those few months where they called each other's names with intimate meaning in privacy. After their relationship, they settled back to plain _'Dr. Lim'_ and _'Dr. Melendez'_ except for the times where one slips out of habit.

"It would be safer if they consult with a specialist in surgical oncology," he said avoiding her question. This situation felt familiar to him. Here they are discussing whether it is right to do a difficult surgery again but this time their emotions are a bit calmer than before… or maybe they are just tiptoeing against each other, too cautious to start another argument.

"Time is running. For a horrible disease like this, we need to act fast if we want to save lives here. Finding and scheduling a specialist would cost her weeks. She's here on St. Bonaventure so she's now our responsibility," she pointed out.

Neil stared at the scans in front of him trying to find courage to take this case. Audrey could see the conflict in his eyes.

_'I wish I could take his hand and offer my unyielding support but he will question my objectivity once again'_

For a brief moment she wanted to hold his hand, to assure him, to comfort and make him believe in himself again. They used to encourage each other starting from their residency days. But she can't do that now without giving a different meaning to it after their relationship. Besides, she's afraid she'll only get hurt again. If this patient dies again, they might repeat this cycle of blame game again, and this time their rocky friendship is at risk.

Bracing herself for whatever the endgame this will be, Audrey puts herself in full Chief of Surgery mode. "Dr. Melendez, go to your patient and lay all these plans to her. If she goes with the surgery you do it," she commanded.

"Nobody else will do this but you,"

Neil half heartedly agreed to take the case but as he closed the door of her office he felt a crushing feeling inside his heart. It's like he is slowly coming to realization on how big the void Audrey left in his life.

Talking to her previously about the case felt like the times when he was a resident and being persuaded by his mentors. This shouldn't bother him as she was his superior and she's just being professional at the moment.

 _'But this is Audrey,'_ the voice in his head whispered.

He realized he missed how Audrey's presence would encourage him to do better than her. He missed her support and comfort in times of worry. He missed talking to her like a friend and most importantly, a lover.

He realized the things he took for granted before and now for the first time since he set foot in this hospital, he felt so alone.

...

"Will you be the one doing the surgery?" Larisa asked Melendez when he told her about her options for treatment. He was impressed at how she handled her diagnosis. Usually hearing that dreaded C-word would bring the patient into panic or tears but Mrs. Miller was different. She calmly accepted the news while trying to comfort her daughter who was devastated.

Neil looked in the eyes of his patient and nodded. "If you give us your consent but I'm warning you, this will be a delicate surgery."

"Will the cancer be gone if I go through this surgery?"

"We will take out the part where the tumor is. There's always a chance of it coming back so you still have to undergo sessions of chemotherapy."

Upon the mention of chemotherapy Mrs. Miller's daughter burst again to tears. "I'm sorry, she had a trauma watching how her grandfather slowly succumbed to cancer. She saw how chemo changed him," she explained while offering comforting hug to her daughter.

Neil nodded in understanding. He wanted to give some words of hope to them but his own self-doubts makes him afraid he'll only give false hopes to this family. He remembered how Paul and his family trusted him only to fail them in the end.

"Do I have to decide now?" she asked him.

"It's an aggressive form of cancer. The more time we wait the more chance it can spread. We don't want it to metastasize or else the surgery would be useless at that point," he admitted.

"Okay," she replied calmly. "But can I have one request?" her daughter looked at her. "Can I see my son before the surgery?"

"Ma, you're talking like you're never seeing us again, stop it," Zara whined.

"Please doctor, he will arrive tomorrow evening," she pleaded.

"Okay, we will schedule your surgery on the earliest available date. We will keep you informed," Melendez agreed.

He offered her a small smile before leaving the room followed by his two residents. When they reached the nurse's station he turned to the two doctors and gave them instructions.

"Schedule a surgery for Mrs. Miller and let me know once his son arrives tomorrow. We will discuss it with all of them,"

...

The following day, Morgan and Claire called him in the afternoon informing him that the patient's son had arrived. And that brings the trio along the hospital corridor walking towards Mrs. Miller's private room.

"The surgery is scheduled on Friday. Dr. Reznick could you discuss again the risks of it to the son. He might want to hear explanations from a doctor himself, "

"Sure, " Morgan replied enthusiastically. The case excites her so much that she's been researching and studying for it since the day Mrs. Miller arrived at St. Bonaventure.

Claire knocked on the door before going inside followed by the rest of the team. They found the patient in high spirits despite her diagnosis which was comforting to see. She's more optimistic than her grown children who were very worried for her.

"Good afternoon doctor," she greeted them. "I'm ready to go behind that operating room doors now that I've seen my precious children,"

"She's been embarrassing like that since yesterday," whispered Zara to his older brother.

Neil looked at the newcomer and he thought he looked familiar. He studied his face trying to recollect any memories if he did met this person in the past.

The man stood up from sitting beside his sister and offered his hand to him for a handshake.

"You're my mother's surgeon? It's nice to meet you," he greeted as Neil accepted his hand. "I'm Mrs. Miller's son," he paused giving him a polite smile. "Kashal,"

... 


	4. Chapter 4

_" **K** ashal,"_

_Neil read the unfamiliar name aloud. He found an envelope lying on the ground one morning upon entering their on-call room. Someone must have accidentally dropped it while rushing to an emergency case last night. He picked it up and brought it with him during breakfast time with some of his co-residents to ask them who owns that thing. Unfortunately he only found one person inside their break room._

_"Do you know someone named Kashal Miller?" he decided to ask her anyway._

_Audrey had been ignoring him since he entered the room, too focused on reading a journal while eating a burger. Upon hearing the name she looked at him wide-eyed._

_"Judging by your face you know him," he walked towards her side giving him the envelope. "You must have dropped this,"_

_Audrey took it from him and held to it like it holds a precious information he doesn't deserve to know. Curious, he tried his luck._

_"Who is Kashal?"_

_He thought she's not going to answer him when Audrey didn't respond after a minute of silence. But then she placed the journal down the table and faced him with a resigned expression._

_"He's my husband,"_

_"_ _You're married?" he exclaimed._

_"Yeah, what is so surprising about that?"_

_"N-nothing. I just didn't thought about it," he replied. "We've been working with each other for over a year yet I barely know stuff about you,"_

_"To make it fair, I don't know the basic things about you too," she tried to console him. When she noticed his solemn expression she added, "Don't be sorry about it. Residency is still a long journey for us. Who knows? We might have a lifetime to tolerate and get to know each other," she teased._

_"Lifetime?"_

_Audrey chuckled as she picked her journal and started reading again, "Once Dr. Glassman picks me after our residency, I have no plans of leaving this hospital. Lifetime…that is if you managed to steal the second spot from Dr. Collins," she smirked._

_"That second place is mine for your information, but brace yourself I might get yours too," he answered accepting the challenge._

"Dr. Melendez?" he was pulled back to present time by Kashal's deep voice. Staring at the face of former husband of his ex-girlfriend he couldn't help but feel uneasy. Although the breakup was still fresh, he's obviously still deep in love with her so he is sure this uneasy feeling within him is called jealousy. But he can't let his personal feelings cloud his judgment for his patient.

"Can we talk outside?" Kashal requested as Morgan and Claire were examining his mother. Neil led him out of the room to a quiet corner. A lot of things were in his mind.

 _'Why would he need to talk to me privately? Does he recognize me? Wait, does he know me?'_ While he talked about Kashal a lot of times with Audrey throughout the years of knowing her, he was sure he never had a chance to talk to him in person. He just knew what he looked like through the photos he saw from Audrey.

 _'So what if he knows me?'_ Why would he worry? Audrey had cut off her communication from him many years ago so he wouldn't be aware that the doctor in front of him was his former wife's boyfriend. _'Ex-boyfriend,' his conscience reminded him._

"Sorry if I have to pull you out here. I just don't want to have mom worry about surgery by hearing specific details about it," Kashal said.

Neil mentally scolded himself. _'Of course he wants to know about the surgery, not you Neil,'_

"I understand. It happens a lot with my patients," he told Kashal. "So, about the surgery..." he put his best professional self considering the situation. "... we will do the whipple procedure to your mother,"

"Surgery is still possible?" he asked. Neil raised his eyebrows. _'Looks like he knows more about this stuff than what I think,'_

"We will do a large incision on her middle stomach and take out the head of the pancreas and part of the body as well," he continued to explain the details in specific to him and he was surprised by his eager interest and knowledge at what he says. When he was done explaining Kashal thanked him.

"Please take good care of my mom doctor. My sister would be very devastated if we lost her too."

"We will try our best," Neil replied.

"I appreciate you telling me this. Actually this is weird, but it's been a long time since I heard someone telling me stories about surgeries, it brings back some old memories."

Neil didn't know what to reply to that statement for he was sure they were thinking of the same person. "Is that why you seem calmer than my other patient's relatives when I tell them about the procedure?"

"Maybe," he hummed.

"But I know this hospital has the best surgeons in the state so I trust you all with my mother. Besides…" he said and then glanced at the hallway as if expecting someone to pass by, "this hospital already took someone I love, surely they wouldn't do the same thing twice," he whispered to himself.

"Besides what?" Neil prompted.

"Oh… I just want to ask if there's still a Dr. Lim here,"

Neil momentarily froze. He wants to lie and say no. He wants to prevent them from meeting each other again at least not at this moment where he doesn't know where he stands in her life. But he knows lying would only worsen the situation. Soon Audrey will discover who his patient is and they'll eventually meet each other.

He nods weakly before confirming. "Yes. She's actually my…boss. Our Chief of Surgery."

"Chief of Surgery? Wow. Audrey did it after all," Kashal smiles genuinely. Neil notices how he warmly mentioned her name and it made him feel weak all of sudden. _'Be professional Neil.'_

"She's the best Chief this hospital ever had. And I say that from experience,"

"Oh so you've been here for long as well? I mean, I know Dr. Lim works here for more than ten years already," he explained not really revealing the important detail of his connection to her.

"Since residency," Neil admits. "And, I know Dr. Lim very well,"

"Really? Then we might have unknowingly met each other years ago. I must admit your name sounds familiar to me,"

_"It's raining hard, you sure you're going home like this?" Neil asked as he watched Audrey pack her stuff in her bag as her shift ends._

_"I need to. I feel like a stranger in my own home nowadays so I need to go home whenever I can… "_

_"But the rain-"_

_"I'll take a bus okay?"_

_"He's not going to pick you up?"_

_"I didn't tell him I'm going home actually. Wanted to surpise him for a change," she smiled. Audrey wore her coat and grabbed her bag but before she dashes out the door she reminds him, "call me if there's progress with our patient? I want to know even if it's my day-off,"_

_He didn't even had the chance to respond to her because she was in a hurry. Neil looked out the window and predicted that the rain wouldn't stop anytime soon. She didn't have an umbrella so he was worried she'll get sick._

_Despite the competitive atmosphere that remained whenever they were at work, it has gradually became friendly as they got to know each other. He took the effort to get to know her and found out that there's more interesting stuff about her aside from her obvious love of comic books._

_Releasing a deep breath, he grabbed the key to his car that was a birthday gift from his parents and ran after her._

_He saw her from a distance waiting alone under the waiting shed. As he drove nearer, another car stopped in front of her. The man driving the car came out with an umbrella and ran to escort her towards the car._

_Although he didn't clearly saw his face because it was a rainy night, Neil knew that was the first time he almost met Kashal._

He didn't feel anything during that time but as he reminisce that memory right now it pains him a little bit. He glanced at Kashal and decided that its better to come clean right now.

"I think I remember now… Kashal…" Neil paused telling a half lie for he knew it all the time. "You're her ex husband," he pointed out.

Kashal was caught off guard but smiled, "I guess you really know her well. I didn't think she tells personal things to her colleagues."

"Actually she didn't. I just annoyed her for a decade, enough to be a close _friend_ ,"

…

"I already told you I'll review that case after its done and for your peace of mind I'll do the same with Andrews' surgeries. I have more important things to attend to right now," Audrey told him off as he entered her office that same day.

"I know but I think you will be interested with this case," he insisted. "I don't want you to learn this from anyone but me so I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you right now."

He sat down on the empty seat infront of her and placed Mrs. Miller's file on top of her messy stack of papers. Staring face to face with a pile of journals, cases of patients and medical charts brings him back to their days as young residents. When they would work under the same case with Dr. Glassman, he remembers the late night research sessions they did together.

Audrey knew he wouldn't back down once he wanted to do something so she listened to him for now. As she opened the file Neil spoke.

"My patient is your former mother-in-law,"

She looked at him wide eyed but worry was evident in her eyes which intimidated Neil a little. _'Why is she worried for her? Was she close with her before?'_

No words were spoken between them as she read the patient's record. No questions needed to ask for now about the treatment procedure. Either it was written there or both of them knew what it is and how it is done. But there was one question hanging between the two of them, both afraid to address it.

She reached the end of the file and with her eyes downcast she asks him, "is he… ?"

He painfully nods before she finished asking.

...


	5. Chapter 5

**O** f all the people that would show up at this hospital, Audrey never expected that her own former mother-in-law would become one of their patients. It's not impossible of course, but she had just assumed that she would never cross paths with Kashal ever again and that extends to his family. And she painfully closed that chapter of her life a long time ago.

She decided to visit Mrs. Miller a day before her surgery but she made sure to ask the nurse on duty that the patient was alone in her room. It's useless avoiding him when he's so close but Audrey doesn't know what would she do if he meets Kashal.

The patient was awake when she came and through the glass walls Audrey saw how Mrs. Miller's face turned from surprise to delight when she saw her approaching.

"When you said let's meet again in the future, I hoped it wasn't like this," Audrey smiled.

"I'm getting old, it's a possibility," she chuckled.

Audrey went closer to her bed. "It's good to see you again Larisa. Wished it was under different circumstances,"

"I'm also delighted to see you again Audrey," she replied. "It's a pity we met again like this but please let's catch up about anything except the reason why I'm lying on this hospital bed. How have you been my dear?"

She felt moved by her kindness towards her even after the fallout of her marriage with her son. While the divorce didn't left her and Kashal on speaking terms, Larisa had wonderfully said goodbye to her like a mother sending off her daughter to a faraway place.

"Still busy, still Audrey Lim,"

"Still being a good doctor I see," she glanced at her hand and said, "No special someone around?"

Audrey let out an awkward laugh at having her ex mother-in-law inquiring about her love life. Dealing with nosy relatives about this topic is one thing she hates but nothing had prepared her for this awkward conversation with the mother of her ex.

"I'm too busy being chief right now to go into dates," she tries to deflect the topic although there's a little truth to what she said. "I don't think someone would understand or tolerate my crazy schedule,"

"Ah I've heard about that from my son. Congratulations! I'm so happy for you,"

"Thank you,"

"And for the record, the right man would accept all of you - your ambitions, your flaws and all the good and the bad. That's how things should be in these times isn't it?," Larisa said. "And I'm so sorry my son wasn't that one for you,"

Audrey didn't say anything and kept her eyes on the IV lines connected to her instead. And then she heard footsteps coming towards them. The same person then opened the door and Audrey froze. She didn't want to turn around.

"Ah speaking of my idiot son," she confirmed her suspicions. "I've been asking the nurses for you. Where did you go?"

"I went to buy some breakfast." he answered lifting the pack of food for her too see. He also noticed the person standing beside his mom. He was facing her back but he knew who it is even without seeing her for a long time.

Audrey could feel Kashal staring at her and she can't escape this situation any longer. Releasing a deep breath, she slowly turns around to face him.

"Audrey, hi," he greeted, his voice free of any hint of regret or resentment. He was prepared to meet her again.

"Hi," came her short reply.

...

Not far from them at the nurse's station Neil watched the whole scene. His heart clenched at the sight of her reuniting with her ex. Although there's nothing to be jealous about the situation, his mind can't stop thinking of a lot of possibilities.

"She's moved on long ago. No need to grip your ballpen tightly like that," a voice interrupted his thoughts. Dr. Glassman was beside looking at him and her meters away.

"I don't know what you're saying," Neil replied changing his focus down to his patient's chart.

"I recognize jealousy when I see it," he snorted. "But maybe this will help you gain the strength to win her back,"

"They're just talking. Of course she's bound to meet him when his mother is admitted here,"

"Small talks could lead to anything,"

"Have you ever tried getting back together with your ex wife before?"

"No, but I had thoughts about it," he confessed. "But that was many years ago… so long before I met Debbie. And that doesn't mean exes can't go back together. Look at Park,"

Neil ignored his mentor and continued writing stuff down the chart. "You should be honest about your real feelings for once. Don't be an idiot until you realize its too late, Neil," he pats his shoulder before leaving him to his thoughts again. He looked up again and saw that Kashal and Audrey had left the room and were walking towards the elevator. Annoyed, he released a sigh before resuming to his rounds.

...

"I'm sorry about your mom's diagnosis," offered Audrey. She led Kashal to the hospital's cafeteria where they are currently having an awkward reunion.

Kashal nods quietly. They stayed in an uncomfortable silence until he broke it.

"It's unfortunate we met again thru this situation,"

"Yeah, but your mom is in good hands here. Larisa will be okay," she tried to console not only him but herself as well. She figured she's still fond of her former mother-in-law even after all these years.

"I hope so," Kashal mumbled. He glanced at her and found her also staring at him. Few seconds passed he offered her a small smile. "Enough about my mother, I got plenty of sad conversations with people about her. So how about you, how are you? How's life?"

_'Is it okay to tell your ex that I'm miserable at this moment because I'm regretting a breakup that I initiated?'_ Audrey thought.

"I'm fine," she simply replied. An overused phrase she always tell people. Sometimes it's better to say you're fine than explaining the complicated reasons on why you're not okay. And sometimes the person asking isn't qualified to know the reasons. "Not much had changed except I got busier with new responsibilities. How about you?"

"A lot changed in me since I moved to New York a few years ago to teach… but I think a lot had changed here as well," he said looking around the facility.

"Ah they had a few renovations around here but it's still pretty much the same old St. Bonaventure to me," _'It still feels like home,'_ she wanted to add.

A lot of people had come and go inside this hospital everyday. In every patient that gets admitted, another gets discharged. Doctors and staff were hired while some bids their farewell. While she watched the continuous change for more than a decade, some things still remained the same for Audrey. A few people remained - Dr. Glassman, Dr. Andrews and a number of the hospital staff were still the same familiar faces she worked with as a young and inexperienced resident. Although it feels a bit different now that she's the chief.

And then there's Neil.

_'Had anything changed between us?'_

She knows the answer to that, and she's afraid she won't like it. Everything changed the moment they crossed the line between friendship and love. And there was no turning back from that.

She wondered if it was a mistake giving in to her feelings but those few months with him was one of the best months she ever had. She wouldn't exchange that over anything. She wished it didn't cause too much changes between them though.

"Audrey," Kashal called her out after she didn't respond to him.

"Oh, sorry for zoning out. I got a lot of things in my mind lately," she excused.

"I understand. You've got a lot of decisions to make," as if on cue Audrey's phone rang. Throwing an apologetic look at him she answered it.

After a minute she ended the call and said, "Sorry, it's my secretary. She's looking for me. I need to go,"

"It's okay, I understand ," he replied. "I think I'll be spending a lot of time here anyway because of mom, so let's talk again soon."

...

The day of the surgery Dr. Lim paid a visit to the OR before the procedure started. She found Dr. Melendez getting ready for it.

He was surprised to see her outside the OR. "What brings the busy chief here?"

Audrey raised her eyebrow at his statement. "Can't I see my surgeons before the surgery?" she deflected. Actually she just wanted to have a 'before the surgery' talk with Larisa. She just couldn't do it inside her room where Kashal is also present. She thought she could have a privacy here. Looks like she's wrong.

"You were too busy to look at my patient's case before you knew who her identity is," he sounded annoyed.

"My hands were full at that time. You've seen the mess on my desk. I barely had time to look at my surgeon's reports."

"Yeah busy...But you had time to play catch-up with Kashal," he whispered a little loudly as he turned his back to her to continue scrubbing his hands.

Audrey frowned and crossed her arms. "Watch your words Dr. Melendez. You know I heard that,"

"Are you worried I might kill her?"

"Of course not. Why are you being like this?" she hissed avoiding another impending public row between the two of them.

_'I don't know but I hate the idea that you can spend time with him but always try to avoid me,"_ he wanted to say remembering what he saw the other day. But of course you can't say that to your boss and your ex girlfriend, especially at this moment.

"Don't spend your time worrying, Dr. Lim. I'll try my best not to kill her on the table like the last time I did this surgery," he reminded her of that incident which isn't a good thing to do right now.

"Have some faith with your surgeons," he said one last time before entering the OR leaving Audrey speechless and agitated.

...

_'Did I made the wrong impression of not trusting his skills?'_ Audrey began to over think Neil's actions previously. It's true she was worried over Mrs. Miller but she didn't mean to show him that she doesn't trusts his skills. She did. All the time. Why doesn't he notice this? She believed in him even when he was second guessing his ability after the death of his patient. In fact, she had been believing in him from his very first patient death.

_She found him sitting at the stairs on the way to the fire exit. Nobody goes there because it was a very secluded area. It's a very perfect place to cry for exhausted young doctors. She carefully walked down towards him and sat few inches away incase he didn't want someone to disturb his grief._

_The first few minutes she just sat there in silence with him. She waited for him if he ever wanted to talk to her about it. If not, then it's also fine with her._

_"That was the first patient that died under my responsibility," he broke the silence. He was looking at his hands as if questioning why they failed him._

_"I know," she replied. Since a few months ago, they were no longer the residents who hide under their attending physician's responsibilities whenever someone dies. This time, every decision and every action is their full responsibility, that's why the death hits him differently._

_"I can't help but feel like I could have done more to save her. It's frustrating,"_

_"You did what you could do at the moment. We could prevent death a lot of times but we can't stop it when it's really their time," she consolled._

_"How are you dealing with these stuff better than me? I didn't see you having a hard time like this,"_

_"Because I don't let anyone see me cry," she smiled but turned serious as she faced him. "You've got to be tougher than usual when you get those intense trauma cases. It doesn't always end well."_

_"It wasn't our fault they end up in those situations,"_

_"That's true, and that should also be your way of thinking. You didn't make them sick in the first place. You're just trying your best to get them well and sometimes it's not enough_ , _"_ _she advised._

_"I know. Just let me deal with it for tonight," he stated. "Give me this night and I'll be fine again to face my other patients."_

_"That's great to hear,"_

_"If you came here worried because I might be distracted and kill more patients after this, don't be. I don't wanna catch up with your mortality rate," he tried to joke._

_Audrey looked at him in disbelief but there was a grin forming on her face. "Yeah, you don't need consoling if you can joke like that,"_

_"It's true though. In ten years you might double my rate,"_

_"Yeah, I'm a trauma surgeon," she rolled her eyes and pretended to leave but he caught her wrist and pulled her back down to sit again, this time much closer._

_"I'm just teasing. Please stay. We all need a friend in times like this," he said. And she did stay. She let him deal with his grief on his own just like what he wanted but she stayed in silence beside him just in case he wanted some words of comfort._

She watched him perform the procedure with the younger residents beside him. As he got ready to open up the patient he happened to glance up to where she was standing. They locked eyes briefly before he turns his attention back to his patient.

Audrey wondered if their relationship would ever go back to normal. What kind of normal was that? _Was it being friends?_ Maybe. _Or lovers?_ Much better.

...


	6. Chapter 6

**M** elendez found out from his residents that Mrs. Miller was finally conscious for the first time since the surgery. Although a delicate one, the procedure went well but he couldn't breathe a sigh of relief until she woke up today. He is now on his way to her ICU room to join his residents for a check up.

The elevator door opened in front of him and he was surprised to see Audrey inside. She was astonished to see him but immediately avoided his eyes. Their last conversation wasn't good so he awkwardly got inside. The door closed and they stood in an uncomfortable silence which was unusual for them.

Neil was deep in his thoughts while Audrey played the buttons of her coat with her finger. Each one were trying to gain courage to break the silence.

"I'm sorry,"

"Thank you,"

They spoke in unison, both staring at each other with eyes full of hundreds of unsaid words.

"Thank you for what you did for Larisa," she explained. "I know you'll say you're only doing your job as her doctor but I'm speaking right now as a good friend of hers and not your chief. We're still in good terms even after everything that happened..."

Neil nodded understandingly. "And I'm sorry for the last time... I wasn't being professional at that time,"

"I might gave an impression that I doubt your skills so it's my -,"

"No please don't take responsibility of it, Audrey," he called her name softly giving all the honesty and feelings he couldn't tell her. "I'm not speaking as a doctor at that moment," he whispered admitting it finally. _I was being me._

Audrey was stunned but she didn't let it show on her face. Instead she hold his gaze and said, "I've thought about it."

"I pushed you to this case not knowing it's my former mother-in-law Neil. Unknowingly, I put you in an uncomfortable position so part of it is my fault,"

"It doesn't explain my outburst that day," his voice slightly strained with emotions. "I was frustrated."

"I'm tired of playing hide and seek with you after the breakup, " he revealed. You've been avoiding me, and with this case suddenly you noticed my existence again?"

"Audrey I see you still being in good terms with them even after all these years, even after the divorce. Why can't it be the same with us?"

 _'Was our relationship really a mistake for you?'_ the real question he was afraid to ask.

"Neil-" she was suddenly cut off by the elevator doors opening. Their quiet world was once again interrupted by the buzzling of the people inside the hospital.

Neil let out a tired sigh as he pushed the hold button signaling Audrey to walk out first but she stood there staring at him with conflicted emotions on her face.

"Don't answer that, sorry. I'm being inappropriate again. Always not getting my emotions checked while at work. Aren't you going for a visit?" he totally changed the topic at the end to avoid further discussion.

"Maybe I shouldn't while you're doing a check up. I don't want to disturb your work," she hesitated.

"It would be better if you're there. Patients need familiar people as they wake up from surgery. She trusts you better Dr. Lim," him calling her by her surname totally drops the previous conversation with her. Audrey recognizes him desperately putting a facade against his emotions and she tries to deal with it _for now._

_It's not the right place and time for this._

She walked out of the elevator and he followed after her. They each put on a poker face as if they didn't have an unfinished business inside the elevator. They will always keep missing their window. It's always like this for both of them over the last decade.

Melendez thoroughly checked Mrs. Miller to make sure there wasn't any complications from her surgery. He explained what happened during the procedure to her with the presence of Kashal and Audrey inside the room.

"Dr. Blaize will see you any moment from now to discuss the chemotherapy treatment with you, but I will still be one of the doctors checking up on you," Neil confirmed after he finished checking her surgical wound.

"I'm glad Audrey put my care to her best surgeon. She told me the surgery isn't scary as long as you'll be the one doing it. I can't thank you enough for what you've done doctor, " Mrs. Miller weakly said.

Neil raised an eyebrow and briefly glanced at Audrey as she looked away to hide her blush. She may have mentioned a little about how great a surgeon Neil is before she totally gave her consent to the surgery. But she didn't expect Larisa to mention that to him.

"I'm flattered that my chief highly recommends me to her VIP patients," he stated amused at her. Audrey rolled her eyes knowing the flattery feeds his ego again.

"She said you're as good as her so I don't have to worry at all,"

"All my surgeons are great here," Audrey tried to correct the statement but fell into deaf ears as Larisa keeps revealing everything she confided in private.

Neil gave her that look. _'You also tell that to Andrews?'_

She briefly flashed him a glare before totally ignoring him and fussing on Mrs. Miller's care to avoid further embarrassing herself in front of Neil.

Meanwhile Kashal grabbed Neil's attention as he lead him away from the two women.

"Thank you for my mother," he told him warmly.

"But she's not yet out of the woods. I'll be honest, this type of cancer has a high chance of relapse. She needs to be constantly monitored," his voice low to keep the conversation just between the two of them.

"We will follow every step of the treatment," he promised and Neil made his exit from the room. And before he totally left the ICU floor he stole one last glance at Audrey who seemed to be happy while talking to her former family.

He rarely sees her smile these days and to see it even from afar, even if he's not the reason of it makes his heart warm. _She deserves to be happy all the time, and I keep making her cry or stressed recently._

He bowed his head and walked towards the elevator. He didn't see that Mrs. Miller had followed every movement of him with her gaze across the glass walls of her room.

...

That night as her shift ends Audrey wondered where Neil was. She passed by his office hoping she could have a talk with him. Perhaps to continue their interrupted conversation a while ago. But he was gone before she could reach him.

She stared down her watch and guessed that he probably left early to go drinking. It's what he does after finishing a complicated case plus it's a friday night.

_"Come on Audrey, the whole team will be there. It's the first time we will all hangout together," Neil pleaded as he invites her to come and join them at Crowleys for a little celebration after all the successful surgeries they had for that week. It was a rare occurrence that they didn't have any patient deaths so they planned to celebrate it._

_"I'm not sure Neil," she hesitated. Its not that she didn't want the company of her colleagues but she hadn't been spending a lot of time with her husband due to her busy schedule._

_"Would he mind it?"_

_"I just cancelled a date night few days ago for an emergency surgery so I plan tonight as a pay back for that," she confided. She was sad she'll be missing out the fun with the team but she'll regret it more if her marriage falls apart._

_Neil nods understandingly. It was a valid reason but he can't explain this feeling of sadness that he felt. 'Why would he be sad that she's not present?' Neil wanted to laugh at this absurd idea in his head._

_He shook his head and composed himself, "Okay, but next time you'll be there? They'll say I didn't invite you,"_

_She frowned at first but gave him smile, "You know that's not true," she replied. "And I promise I'll come next time,"_

_Neil spared one last glance at her before leaving the lockers room to join their fellow residents at Crowleys._

_Audrey was left alone inside. Sitting on a bench with her backpack beside her, she reached for her phone inside her pocket. She was waiting for Kashal's message. He will be picking her up that night at the hospital._

_There's no message yet so she decided to wait for him at the hospital lobby. She was really looking forward tonight. She planned everything well to catch up on every cancelled plans they had before. Audrey had been really trying to put an effort on this._

_As she reached the lobby her phone got a message from him. A smile grew on her face as she excitedly clicked it open._

_'I can't pick you up tonight. Our meeting started late so we're not yet done. I'm sorry,'_

_Her smile faded from her face. Sometimes reality doesn't get along well with your plans. It's frustrating, really._

_"Maybe tonight I'm meant to be at Crowleys drinking with my team," she thought out loud. Brushing off the disappointment she felt, she braced herself for a night of fun with her colleagues. She deserved to end the week with a smile after all._

Walking through the familiar road towards Crowleys, Audrey was reminded of the hundreds of times she walked the same pathway. It was a walking distance from the hospital so they frequented that bar whenever they want a quick escape from the stressful shifts they had.

Most of the times she walked alone. Sometimes she walked together with her colleagues who became friends to her throughout the years. Neil was one among them. And in every time she went at Crowleys he's always there. Constantly.

People come and go, but Neil remained the same. She would enter the bar and she would find him sitting at the same seat they always occupied together.

Years of friendly competition celebrated through drinks.

Audrey reached the place but before she could enter she paused. As usual she saw him sitting there through the glass windows. He was staring blankly at his glass alone. He looked so sad and Audrey felt it from the distance.

But as she put her hand on the door handle to enter the place, she stopped as she saw a curly haired lady approach him with drinks in her hands. Claire.

She took a step backward and turned around to flee.

_'Audrey!' she stopped and turned back around as she heard him yell her name across the place. She was about to leave, regretting coming to the place when she saw them having so much fun. Even after trying a pretend happy facade, she felt she's not ready to have that much fun after all her plans that night failed._

_'I thought you can't make it?' Neil reached her immediately in surprise._

_Audrey faintly shook her head and gave him a tired smile but he could see the truth to it. He chose not to dig deeper for answers as she might not be comfortable in sharing it. Instead he offered her something to cheer her up._

_"T_ _he team had too much fun for your liking," he glanced at the group of young doctors a couple of tables away from them. "Want a warm up first?" he suggested._

_Audrey raised her eyebrow in amusement. "Warm up?" she laughed. "You don't know how I drink Melendez," a real smile forming on her lips._

_"Then the seat is yours," he gestured to the empty seat beside them. They sat down and he called for the bartender to fill their glasses. The first drink that became a decade-long tradition for the two of them, or sometimes together with the team._

_"Cheers for all the successful surgeries we had over the week," he raised his glass._

_"I guess you're not that bad when we work together on a surgery," she mused._

_"Was I a jerk all the time to you?" he worried what she thought of him now that he was becoming good friends with her._

_"Not really," she paused thinking of their time as interns. "But you were a bit arrogant. Always wanting to be better than the others,"_

_"I want to be a better surgeon. I did that because I wanted to do well," he explained although half of it was him being an inexperienced surgeon-to-be afraid of failing his patients. So he does what he can do to better himself, even sometimes appearing like a jerk._

_"That's a good thing for me. Surgeons are arrogant people. If you're arrogant then you'll really be a successful surgeon," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "Look at Andrews,"_

_Neil exchanged laughter with her. "If he finds that out he'll cancel your first solo surgery next week," he warned jokingly._

_"Not unless you tell him," she wiggled her index fingers at him teasingly._

_"Of course not. You deserve it. You deserved it to be the first among us," he said looking straight in her eyes to convey his sincerity._

_She smiled in gratitude._ _'Perhaps we could be friends afterall,' she thought to herself._

_They spent the rest of the night later on joining the fun with the other residents. Her friday night had been saved by her colleagues and she thought how fun it was to be talking about other things than organs, blood and procedures their topics usually consist off._

_Audrey's phone suddenly rang and she got a call from Kashal asking her where she is. Apparently he was expecting her at home after he failed to pick her up. Audrey told him that the team had a small celebration at a nearby bar so he offered to fetch her because it's already late._

_When he arrived Audrey bid her colleagues goodbye and ran to meet her husband outside. Neil followed her at the door with his gaze until she was out of sight, his mood suddenly dropping by her absence. It didn't go unnoticed by one of his co-residents._

_"Too bad she's married, you two would make a perfect fit," someone whispered to him over the louder chatter of the others._

_"That's impossible," he shook his head denying the possibility of him and her._

_His friend chuckled. "You two argue like a married couple. Every time I see you two debating over a case I'm eeriely reminded of my grandparents back at home."_

_He laughed amused at the idea. Audrey and him bickering over their kids instead of their patients. Interesting idea but Neil shook his head getting rid of these inappropriate thoughts._

_They could be friends though. Great friends in this journey of becoming a good doctor. He looked back once more at the doorway where she stood few moments ago._

_'Maybe she wouldn't mind drinking with a friend,'_

"Do you mind?" she repeated breaking him out of his thoughts. He turned to his side finding Claire offering some drinks to him.

"Pardon?"

"I said do you mind drinking with a friend?" she asked again.

Neil's eyebrow rose at the word _friend_. He looked at his resident thinking its inappropriate. He wouldn't mind drinking with all of the team but with her alone? It's not good for his reputation.

"I'm sorry Browne but I'm done for tonight," he saw her hopeful smile fell flat but he didn't really care about it. All he was thinking that night was Audrey, Audrey and Audrey. She's been in his thought for God knows how long.

He grabbed his coat and excused himself not bothering to look back. He reached the doorway and wished it was Audrey who showed up instead.

What he didn't know was Audrey stood in that same spot few minutes ago.

Another missed window.

...


	7. Chapter 7

**T** he hallway that leads to the emergency room was unusually quiet tonight Audrey noticed. She passed through it walking beside the empty beds. The absence of patients makes her smile inwardly thinking that she's lucky tonight. She rarely has graveyard shifts anymore since becoming chief.

Tonight was a special case, because suddenly they have a shortage of staff after some filed their vacation and sick leave simultaneously. She could have put additional residents on duty instead of her but she admits that she missed the busy atmosphere of the emergency room. She is a trauma surgeon indeed.

Because the ER was unusually empty tonight, most of the staff were nowhere to be seen. Aside from one nurse on standby beside the station, she couldn't see the rest. That is when she heard the faint sound of some late night news program playing from the television.

She saw everyone watching intently on the television screen.

"Wasn't she a patient here before?" one of the staff whispered.

"Really?" another answered.

"Yes she was. Ms. Wren had a surgery here months ago. Something for her lungs I think," one nurse butted in the conversation. "I wasn't part of the team but a friend of mine upstairs was on duty at the ward where she was admitted. She's one of the memorable patients they had up there,"

Audrey looked up the screen and recognized her, the last patient she and Neil worked together. It was nice to see that she got to achieve her goal to go to the moon.

As Audrey saw the photos from the moon the news anchor was showing the viewers, she can't help but remember a token her former patient had brought to the moon. Wren had her and Neil sign it and said that she will take it with her to the moon.

Their names were on the moon together.

 _How romantic._ Audrey smiled bitterly. She needs to remember that it was also around that time when she decided to part ways with Neil.

Her heart ached again at that reminder so she silently turned her back from the rest of the staff and walked back inside.

As she tries to keep her emotions controlled, Nurse Petringa hangs the phone with a grim face and approaches her.

"Dr. Lim we have several ambulances incoming. A bus accident nearby. At least three trauma patients expected," she informs.

Audrey knew she shouldn't have rejoiced early by the lack of patients. You never know what to expect inside the emergency room.

And so that night, Audrey's paradise springs to life once again.

…

Meanwhile six floors upstairs Neil was finishing his rounds late. He had to do an emergency surgery that afternoon which pushed down all his schedule behind.

"How are you feeling?"

"Ah chemo makes me feel more sick than before," Larisa slightly complains. "But if it's what I need to do to be okay once again then so be it."

"I'll talk to your oncologist to refer you to a dietitian for management of the side effects like the nausea," he promised.

"Thank you so much doctor. Audrey really knew I could trust you with my care," she smiles thinking of her.

Neil let out a small laugh. "She thinks too highly of me sometimes," he lightly shakes his head.

"Why? You don't think you deserve it?" the elder asked seeing the hesitation within Neil's eyes.

"I don't know," he laughs nervously. "Won't you be worried hearing your doctor say things like this?"

"Other patients maybe. But not me," she smiles kindly at him. "People sometimes expects too much from their doctors. We forget that there's a limitation to what you can do for a patient. You're only human after all."

Her wise words made his heart feel at ease. He doesn't feel comfortable sharing bits of his life with his patients, but with her he felt compelled to tell more. If Audrey learns about this, she wouldn't believe her ex boyfriend chatting with her former mother in law about life… or maybe about her.

"I've worked with Dr. Lim for more than a decade now," he started.

"Ah that trust must have a strong foundation then," she observed. "Audrey's trust was hard-earned."

"We were residents together,"

"So she saw you grow from an inexperienced intern to the surgeon you are now?" Neil nods. "I'm not knowledgeable about the work of doctors, but I know it takes a lot of practice, studying and experience to be a good doctor. She must have seen your failures before…"

"She did. A lot of times," Neil smiles at some fond memories of the past. _Sometimes she was part of those failures. But so were the triumphs._

"But despite that she still trusts your skills. She did it a lot of times throughout the years… even now. So why are you feeling undeserving now? What changed?"

Neil fell silent. He couldn't answer her even when he knew the reason within his heart.

 _She became Chief._ Her position changes a lot of things between them professionally and he wasn't prepared to lose his partner-in-crime.

He was spared from the conversation when his pager suddenly buzzes. An emergency. He's being summoned to the ER.

 _Great now I have to work overtime,_ Neil grimaced. "Sorry Larisa, I have to go now. They need me downstairs. I'll check on you again," he said before making a quick exit.

…

Back to the ER, one of the victims the EMT rushes in is pregnant and Audrey runs to her side. The staff gathers inside the trauma bay to transfer the patient onto the ER bed.

"How long has she been in cardiac arrest?" Audrey asks as a nurse beside her assists to remove the neck brace on the patient and another lends her the ambu bag.

"She was like this during the rescue and on the way here..." the EMT doing chest compressions on the patient replied. "...about fifteen minutes,"

"Keep compressing her chest," orders Audrey. "We'll check her heart rate once the monitor is connected. Give her 1mm of epinephrine through an IV line every 3 minutes."

"Okay," Nurse Petringa obeys.

"Also pass me a tube," Audrey added.

"The monitor is connected,"

"Okay let's check her heart rate," Audrey observes as the machine gives a long beep sound "Asystole," she frowns.

"Nurse Petringa pulls her womb to the left as much as you can," Audrey orders as she prepares to intubate the patient. "It looks like she's been pregnant for over 36 weeks right?"

"Her fundal height is about 36cm," Nurse Petringa confirms.

"The baby is big enough to have viability. Let's check if the fetus is still alive. Get the sonogram," Audrey ordered as one of the nurses cut the patient's clothes.

Seconds passed and Audrey observed. "The fetus is alive but the heart rate is too slow," she says. "She needs a c-section. Why haven't I seen anyone from OB dept yet?" she frowns looking around.

"There's a complication on their patient so they had to do an emergency CS," somebody answered her.

"Anyone they sent here to help?" Audrey asked as Neil arrived beside her. Nobody replied to her as her question was already answered by his presence.

"I'm available to help tonight," he simply said, answering Audrey's questioning stare.

She took a hesitant look at him. As their eyes met, both knew what the other was thinking. Both were thinking of that past patient that was the root of their present heartaches. And this delicate case in front of them was a bad reminder of it.

But Audrey knew she needed help in this. She stares at Neil's determined eyes and knows she could trust him.

 _Oh her trust in him never faltered under any circumstances._ And it's time again to cling unto that trust again.

There's no verbal confirmation but Neil knew he was welcome to assist when she turned to him and said, " I think we need to conduct a perimortem caesarean delivery."

"We're going to do it here?" Nurse Petringa interrupts.

"I see signs of fetal distress. Even if we keep compressing her chest the blood won't reach the placenta…" Audrey paused.

"If we don't take the baby out, the mother and baby could die," Melendez completes her sentence, reminiscent of their residency days and Petringa smiles briefly recognizing those moments.

"Nurse Villanueva we need a life support kit for newborn infants and a NICU," Neil orders.

"We have a life support kit ready and I already phoned the NICU to prepare," Nurse Villanueva replies.

There was a brief pause again between Audrey and Neil as they decided what to do next. With a silent conversation with their eyes, Audrey asks, _will you be okay?_

Neil quietly nods giving her the go signal.

"I'll take the mother. You prepare for a neonatal resuscitation once the baby is out," Audrey speaks in a clear voice this time to Neil.

They quickly take out their lab coats and wear their protective equipment as the staff prepare the surgery tools and the patient for the delivery.

"Don't stop the CPR," Audrey orders as the nurse gives her the scalpel. "I'll cut the skin vertically and the uterus transverse.

As the blade goes through the skin, blood rushes out. "Gauze," Neil held his hand out as one staff member passed the thing.

"I'm into the abdominal cavity. Hold tight," Audrey says.

"I see the womb," said Neil.

"Give me the retractor. I'll cut through the womb," A few tense moments passed, the staff held their breath as they watched the two doctors try to save the lives of the mother and baby.

"I can see the baby's head," Neil whispers. "It's coming out,"

Delicately, Audrey guided the baby's head and then the body out of the mother's womb. As expected it was quiet, no cries of a newborn.

"Baby out 23:15," Nurse Petringa looks at her watch.

"Scissors please," Neil reached for the baby and cut the umbilical cord. He placed the newborn by the side as he and Nurse Villanueva rub the baby's back giving it warmth and trying to resuscitate.

Meanwhile Audrey takes out the placenta. He heard her say to the nurse "I'll finish up. Sutures,"

Nobody spoke at the moment. Audrey was finishing up while the mother was still being resuscitated. Neil quietly prays as he tries to do the same to the baby. The only sound that could be heard was the long beeping of the machines.

With each passing moment Audrey stole brief glances at Neil and the baby in worry. She hoped that this case would have a different ending than the last case they worked together. She hoped for the mother and infant's sake.

And then the tense silence within the area was broken by the sound of the baby's cry. The sound of hope, they think.

Neil couldn't believe his luck as he stared back at Audrey and held her gaze for a brief moment. Behind their masks they share smiles and at the moment it was like they were back to their younger days. When things were not yet as complicated as it is now. When they were still learning how to be a good doctor.

Audrey looks down at the mother still being given CPR. She glanced at the monitor and checked for the pulse. After what seems like an eternity, she releases a relieved breath.

"ROSC. She's back. The mom is back," she whispers, keeping her emotions at bay.

Everyone has happy tears in their eyes at the happy ending this case turned out to be. The baby's cries could be heard outside the trauma bay and surely everyone knew of the good news it means.

"Get the central line and give her norepinephrine," Melendez breaks the quiet celebrations. "Let's bring her upstairs to a room and set up,"

Audrey and Neil share one last glance before being swept away by another stream of patients.

It turns out that night, Neil had to stay behind for five hours past his shift. When everyone settled down again inside the ER, he found himself at NICU and staring at the baby he revived moments ago. The father had arrived and is currently marveling at the sight of his newborn.

"It's way past midnight, you're still here," he heard a voice behind him. Audrey stood by his side following his gaze at the father and child behind the glass.

"I had to see the baby. Make sure he's really okay," he didn't have the time to breathe and savor the joy of saving a life before. There wasn't a time to rest and celebrate, other patients needed his service.

Audrey didn't say anything but she smiled at him. She understands what he is feeling at that moment and she let him absorb the fact that they had saved a mother and her child successfully this time. Holding the patient's file, she caught the father's attention inside the NICU and motioned for him to come.

The father had a big smile on his face as he reached them. Despite the accident he had many things to be grateful for.

"You're the one who saved my family," he reached out to shake Audrey's hand. "I don't know how to thank you enough,"

"It's my team's pleasure to help you," she glances at Neil beside her and said, "And Dr. Melendez here saved your son,"

Neil raised his eyebrow at the sudden mention of him.

 _Come on, take the credit you deserve._ Audrey communicated through her eyes.

The father was very grateful to meet his family's savers. He hugged Neil and exchanged some updates regarding his wife's condition. It will be a long journey to recovery but it will be a happy one.

…

Neil felt like some heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders as he drove home that night. He didn't feel this good for a long while, maybe after the death of his patient followed by his breakup with Audrey. He finally feels a closure to the guilt he carried.

He saw Audrey waiting by the bus stop and a rush of courage run through his veins. Tonight was nice. After months of trying to stay apart at work, they finally had a chance to team up again. And things worked flawlessly like the old times. He admits he misses working together with her. He appreciated that she welcomed his help that night.

He stopped the car in front of her and called her out, "Where's your bike?"

"I'm too tired to drive tonight," she replied.

"Then let me take you home," he offered silently hoping she accepts.

"Neil, I don't think it's appropriate," she hesitated but deep inside she wants to jump in right away.

"Please," he paused, his voice going soft at her. "Audrey we are outside the hospital already. Can't I offer a friend a ride home?"

Audrey knew that Neil wants to be friends again, to be able to work well together like the old times. She had some doubts before but after what happened tonight, maybe they could try to work it out again.

Maybe if they were able to find some balance again, they can have another chance at a relationship. Afterall, in a decade of knowing each other, it wasn't the first time they fought and reconciled their differences.

Maybe there's hope.

A small smile creeps on her face. She reaches to open the car and gets in with him. Together they drove home under the moonlight.

...


	8. Chapter 8

**A** udrey grimaced as Larisa released another rough cough. She was passing by her room that morning when she decided to pay her a visit. She took a peek at her room and found the old lady alone.

"How long have you been like that?" she asked. She observed how Larisa had lost so much weight since the last time she saw her, which was only a few days ago.

"Just a few days ago. They set some lab work, don't worry," she brushes off her concern.

"You should worry. Your immune system is weak during chemo," Audrey insisted. "How's the result?"

"Fine I think? I have some scans on sched today," she replied with a hoarse voice. "Enough about me," she paused to cough. "Tell me anything except the reason why I'm lying here. Entertain this old lady."

Audrey shakes her head with a small smile. "You're getting bored? You can ask someone to walk you around the hospital grounds,"

"On a wheelchair of course," she added before she complains of being tired all the time.

"Maybe," she thought about the idea. "Maybe I shouldn't have forced Kashal to leave all the time. My daughter can't stay in hospitals you know,"

Audrey just hummed in response.

Larisa let out a loud cough again and Audrey reached out to soothe her back. When the coughing stopped she gave her some water to sip.

"Thanks," she said, lying back to the bed again. "I only pushed my children away because they always give me those worried looks. Besides..." she paused looking at Audrey.

"Beside what?" she asked, sitting at the empty chair beside the bed.

"You don't come to see me when Kashal's around."

Audrey fell silent at her sharp observation. She looked at her former mother-in-law and thought about it. "I... I didn't..."

"Are you avoiding him?"

"No," came her quick response. "I was here... I saw him sometimes," she insisted.

"That's not what he tells me," the elder frowns.

"You two talk about me?" Audrey was amused at her discovery.

Larisa laughs weakly. "Oh you have no idea. Since meeting you again... He always asks about you, whether you came to see me or else. When you divorced I stopped hearing your name on his lips until now that we all met again."

"You know what? I don't think he stopped loving you when you broke up," Larisa shared after a moment.

Audrey was stuck speechless. She didn't know what or how to respond to that. It's been so long, she never thought about her failed marriage anymore. There wasn't a proper closure between her and Kashal. There were too many unsaid feelings she didn't dare to speak. So she had left it all in the past and never looked back.

Her silence prompted Larisa to continue. "Do you think you two could try again for a second chance?"

Audrey gave her a wry smile and lightly shook her head. "Larisa..."

She took Audrey's hand and squeezed it weakly. "My daughter has many friends and she'll be fine. Kashal however, is a bit of a loner. You know it. He hasn't changed a bit. I don't know how he will cope when I'm gone. I think I could rest in peace knowing someone will be beside him," she rambled her voice going melancholic.

"You're going to be fine Larisa," she tried to reassure her although she's not sure herself if she'll make it. This disease is a bit aggressive. "Stop worrying and just focus on your healing."

"Think about it Audrey..." she wouldn't let go until they heard a soft knock on the door. Neil's head peered inside.

"May I disturb you two?" he asked as he went inside the room. Audrey stood abruptly facing him. She backed away from the bed, making a silent permission for Neil to do his thing.

Neil inched closer to the patient but he was looking at Audrey trying to avoid his stare.

"They're here to take you to the lab," he simply said and soon enough Dr. Reznick and some staff arrived to take her.

While the others were busy, Audrey and Neil stood awkwardly facing each other. She finally meets his intense gaze when the others leave the room.

"I should go. Meetings as usual," she grimaced and left before Neil could respond to her. He sighed.

...

Audrey went back to her office. It was still early but she already feels exhausted just by the small talk with Larisa. She was thankful Neil arrived and interrupted their conversation. It gave her a chance to escape the talk. But it was a little too late to escape from the memories that came rushing back.

As she sat down in front of her desk, she can't help but remember her younger self sitting alone inside the resident's lounge room.

_She and Kashal had a nasty fight and out of anger she decided to go back to St. Bonaventure to spend the night there. She's not escaping the argument but she was so tired from her 36 hours shift in the hospital, she just wants to rest._

_She arrived in an empty lounge room. 'Must be a busy night' she thought. Going inside the quarters, she chose a bed and put her bag on it. She sat down and covered her face with her hands. She could have cried on the spot out of frustration but her instinct told her someone might arrive and she was crying. She couldn't let someone see her breaking down especially here at her workplace._

_And she was right. Minutes later, she heard the door open. But she didn't move or tried to fix herself as she heard the light footsteps come nearer. That person must have seen the lights coming out from the inside and was curious on why it was open._

_"Dr. Lim?" a deep voice called her._

_She looked up and found herself staring at the worried face of her colleague._

_"Dr. Melendez," she acknowledged. "You're still on duty tonight?"_

_"Yeah and you are not," he noted. "Why are you here?"_

_She didn't answer right away. She's not in the mood for some heart to heart talk about her personal life, particularly with him. Her professional friendship with him hasn't reached beyond their personal lives yet._

_"Just want some peace and quiet," she shrugged._

_Sensing her mood, he thought she didn't want to be disturbed tonight. But instead of awkwardly leaving her alone, he offered her to join him for a cup of coffee._

_He walked out of the room to the lounge to fix two cups of coffee. He thought she wasn't going to take the offer but smiled when he heard quiet footsteps behind him._

_When the coffee was done he took it, joining to sit inches away from her. Audrey gladly accepted the cup but didn't drink it right away._

_Nobody talked that night. They just let the stillness of the night calm their exhausted selves. In the lounge room, it feels like time slows down to let them breathe. And when you go outside, life fills all the walls of St. Bonaventure through day and night._

_Neil leaned his back comfortably on the sofa, his half empty cup in his right hand. He slightly glanced to his left and observed her. Audrey was sitting straight, her eyes closed as she smelled the coffee's aroma._

_He senses she's having problems but he respects her privacy. If she's not comfortable to share it then he's content to give a quiet company for her._

_He was about to lean his head back to the sofa when Audrey moved to take a sip on the cup._

_"Sorry I didn't know what you like," Neil apologizes when she grimaced from the bitterness. "Thought you'd be one who likes it strong," he commented as he offered to replace her cup._

_For the first time since she arrived Audrey let out a small smile. "I like sweet stuff you know,"_

_Neil smiles having learned another new thing about her._

Audrey was brought back from the daydream by someone placing a warm cup of coffee in her hands. She looked up meeting the smiling face of Neil.

"Looks like you need something warm. Brought some coffee to keep ourselves awake" He gestured at the stack of patient files he brought up for her to review.

Seeing the confusion turn into surprise on her face, he knew she forgot about the meeting with him. "Your assistant didn't remind you again?"

"She did," Audrey defended. "It just slipped out of my mind today." She stood up and led Neil to the larger table in her office. There he spread all the files they needed to discuss. She smells the coffee in her hand and sips at it, smiling in approval.

"It thought you would be down the lab with Larisa?" she asked. They sat down facing each other.

"They can handle it. Reznick will call me when the results are out."

Silence. Audrey grips the coffee cup in her hand. "It is not looking good."

Neil looks at her in question.

"Oh please. You could just take a look at her and see the answers yourself," she stressed. "You know the numbers. The survival rate for this is low,"

"Stop worrying and let's wait for the scans," he tries to reassure her but knows that she's right. "Let's hope that it's just some pneumonia and not a consequence of a relapse." Still, it bothered Audrey so Neil took the opportunity to ask something.

"Audrey," he called her name and she noticed the shift in his voice. "Can I ask a personal question?" Her silence means yes.

"Why did you and Kashal separate?" he asked holding her gaze.

Audrey was caught off guard by his question. She realized that Neil never dared to ask her directly about the details of her divorce. It's only fair for her to answer as she asked him before why his engagement with Jessica was called off.

It took a moment for her to formulate an answer to his unexpected inquiry. "Our careers didn't make it possible for us to make time with each other. That's the short explanation I tell anyone who asks," she played the ballpen with her fingers. "What they didn't know was lots of disappointments piled together over time."

She took a deep breath, "I didn't realize things were falling apart until he brought up the idea of divorce." She had just been thinking about that time a few moments ago. Neil was there offering silent company. It took years and a lot of trust and development between them before they get to the present time, sharing their lowest points of their lives.

"I was too busy being a third year resident that time," she glanced at him with a bitter smile.

Neil appreciated her honesty. He expected her to brush off his question and tell him _they're inside the hospital and they got work to do_. Now it's his turn to be honest.

"I overheard your conversation with Larisa," he confessed.

Audrey had a hunch about it. She met his eyes. She could read all the emotions Neil wanted her to know but can't speak out of fear of making the wrong move.

_I'm jealous and afraid you're going back to him._

_What about us?_

Neil had thought that if they were able to find balance in their work relationship, they could try again. That is why he is trying his best to be good friends with her again.

"I left it all in the past. The divorce, the resentment, everything, even without proper closure. I wasn't on speaking terms with him until now, and I never really made an effort to fix that," she said trying to make him understand that she had moved on. "I just let it be,"

She reaches her hand out towards him. For a moment he thought she was about to hold his hand on the table but she takes the files instead. She held his gaze.

_Stop worrying._

_Let's focus on us. Let's fix this._

_Let's just think about the present._

_..._

Audrey was hanging by the nurse's station one afternoon. She was reviewing a patient's chart when someone placed a box beside the clipboard she was reading. She glanced up to her side and saw Kashal.

"For you," he answered her confused face. "Cheesecake. Your favorite one,"

She eyed the cake suspiciously. "What for?"

"That's from mom. She says sorry for _bugging_ you? Something that I don't have any idea about," he explained.

Audrey remembers their last encounter a few days ago. "Oh that? It's nothing. There's no need to apologize," she dismissed not actually meeting his eyes. She looked around them and silently thanked that there's no staff nearby. Or if someone was near, they were busy doing something. Gossips are frequent in the hospital about workmates and she doesn't want to be part of that.

"Whatever that is, please take this," he insisted, placing the box of sweet stuff on her hand. "It was bought for you."

Wanting to not get any more attention to them, she accepted the cake and mentally noted to thank Larisa later. She let out a heavy sigh when Kashal finally left her alone.

She looked down at the box on her hands and recognized the name of the cake. _It was what he used to buy for her when they were still dating._

It's been a really long time since she tried that particular cake.

...


	9. Chapter 9

" **L** uckily you're early for your shift," Nurse Farrar greeted as Nurse Dalisay joined the staff at the nurse station. "We saved you a piece of cake,"

"From whom?" she asked as someone gave her a plate. "Did we discharge a patient today?" she looked around the rooms trying to guess which patient was gone. Most of the time, they receive food gifts from the patient and their families whenever someone is discharged. It's their way of saying thank you for taking good care of them throughout their stay in the hospital.

"No," another replied. "We actually have new admissions."

"It's from Dr. Lim, actually," Nurse Farrar said, her eyes observing someone's back. That person was standing a few meters away from them talking to the patient's family member.

"What's the occasion?" Nurse Dalisay asked, knowing Dr. Lim's no nonsense attitude while at her workplace. "She doesn't usually treat us without any reason,"

"Ah you haven't heard about it? A friend from another ward saw a man giving her this cake," someone shared. "Maybe a patient of hers,"

"You didn't hear the rumor properly," another one said. "It wasn't a patient or a family."

"Plus she wouldn't give this to anyone,"

"Maybe she's got a new boyfriend," Nurse Dalisay hummed to herself before taking a bite on the cake. She didn't notice Nurse Farrar's warning and she almost choked when Dr. Melendez appeared to her side.

"You okay Nurse Villanueva?" he asked his tone a little too professional than usual. He was done giving instructions to his patient's family and joined the gossiping staff near him. In the middle of the consultation, his concentration was taken away when he heard Nurse Farrar's voice mentioning Dr. Lim. It took a lot of effort to control his emotions and focus on the task at hand.

"I'm okay doc," she assured him after drinking some water.

"After you're done. Could you follow up on the lab results of that patient?" he looked at the room he exited minutes ago.

"Sure doc,"

Neil seemed satisfied at that but his eyes lingered on the box of cake the staff were busy enjoying. One of the lady staff noticed and offered him a piece but he politely refused.

"I don't eat sweet stuff," he told everyone, hiding his discomfort.

Nurse Farrar raised an eyebrow at him. One look at his face and she could tell the reason for his serious expression. She bit her lip to prevent herself from smiling. She had worked long enough at St. Bonaventure to know about the gossip and stuff about her colleagues. Dr. Melendez had plenty of gossip throughout his decade-long stay here. She had a hunch on what ticked the usual charming doctor.

She doesn't know much about Dr. Lim's personal life but they are good friends enough to tease and joke around each other. She knew that her ex husband was around this hospital with a patient for a while now. Based on the stories from her colleagues, she had put the puzzle pieces together and deduced the source of that cheesecake.

Her eyes met Melendez's troubled ones and she can't help but give him a subtle smile. He realized that somebody saw behind his lie and shifted his attention elsewhere. He finished writing some notes on the patient's chart before handing it back to them.

"Send the results right away to my office," he instructed as Nurse Farrar took the chart, her eyes still with that judging look on him.

"Sure," her arms wrapping around the chart close to her chest. Neil didn't waste any second and immediately fled for his office.

 _This is interesting_ , Nurse Farrar thought.

...

_Those nosy nurses should mind their own business!_

Neil thought irritably as he slammed the door loudly. Thankfully it was late at night and people from neighboring offices already left for home. Nobody will see him throw a tantrum in his glass-walled office.

He sat down on his chair and buried his face in his hands. A lot of thoughts running in his head.

 _Why would he give her that?_ Neil recognized that cake the staff were feasting on. That particular brand and flavor, he used to see Audrey eat those during the early days of their residency. He knew she loves sweets but had never questioned why she stopped favoring that bakeshop after a while. He remembered being puzzled when she dragged her away from that shop during one of their dates.

It must have a lot of connection from her past.

Neil feels insecure and a little threatened. _What is the meaning of that gesture? Is he trying to win her back? Are they getting close again?_ Despite Audrey's insistent remarks of disinterest with her old lover, you'll never know what fate has to offer to you.

 _They could get closer again through Larisa. She could comfort him,_ the voice in his head says.

He is jealous, he couldn't deny that. But he doesn't have anything but his friendship with Audrey. He couldn't be jealous. He's still cautious with rebuilding his friendship and work relationship with her.

He uncovers his face and his eyes landed on that framed dollar on his desk. He couldn't lose Audrey all over again. He needs to win her back. He has to. A life without her is something he doesn't want to imagine.

...

It took some time for Audrey to visit Larisa again. It's not that she's avoiding her and his son. She was really busy with all the meetings she had to attend. She had pestered her secretary to give her a little break just to sneak a visit to Larisa.

"Ah I thought I scared you away," she said relieved to see her.

Audrey smiled. "You didn't have to give me a peace offering Larisa. I understand your sentiments,"

"I still feel bad though," she told her. "What did my son give you?"

"Something sentimental," she confessed. "But it was nice of him to remember what I like,"

"Oh that reminds me, I hope he remembers to buy me stuff too. He hasn't responded to my messages yet."

Audrey plans to drop by the grocery store to buy some necessities after her shift. She figured she could lend a hand to the sick old lady.

"Tell me what you need and I'll buy it for you," she offered.

Larisa thought for a long time, not sure if she'd accept her help. "Aren't you busy?"

"I need to buy some stuff too. It's not a big deal,"

She looked at Audrey and finally gave her a short list to buy. As she accepted the note, the door opened revealing Kashal.

"There you are. Where have you been?" his mom asked.

"Sorry. Had to finish some last minute deadlines," he walked closer to hug his mom. Then he turned towards Audrey mumbling her name in greeting.

"I thought you'd never come tonight so I had to ask Audrey a favor," she told him of the stuff she asks to buy on her behalf.

"I could help you," Kashal turned to his ex wife without second thoughts.

"It's fine. It's just a short list..." Audrey waves the note to them before looking at the list. She smiles nervously.

"It's heavy actually," Larisa commented thinking about the fruits and juices she wrote down.

"I have my car with me. I could help carry them and I could even bring you home later," he offered.

Audrey looked at him and then at Larisa. She couldn't carry a bunch of groceries with her Ducati. The most logical choice was to accept their offer. But that would also mean spending some awkward time with her ex.

 _Checkmate Audrey._ She quietly berated herself in her mind for offering to help Larisa. She didn't expect Kashal to show up at the same time. Unknowingly she put herself in this situation.

She thinks about Larisa and all the goodness she did for her when she was still married to the family. Then she looks at her frail condition in front of her now. _Just for tonight_.

Releasing a deep breath she follows Kashal to his car.

…

The whole ride was awkward and quiet. She could feel his eyes glancing to her side at times trying to think of ways to start a conversation. He would ask how her day was, and she'd respond with a short answer. The topic dies down without her actively engaging in the talk.

She tries to be okay as much as possible. It's not the right place or time to uncover those resentments she buried a long time ago. And she prefers not to think about it anymore. She's got more important matters to fix in the present.

After the grocery shopping, their route was Kashal's home to get Larisa's spare bag. And then from there, he will drive Audrey back to her home before he goes back to the hospital.

Stepping inside her former mother-in-law's house felt weird for Audrey. She remembered the few Thanksgiving holidays she spent here. It seems like a lifetime ago. Her life changed so much since then.

"Can we eat something first? I'm starving," Kashal broke the silence. He went inside the kitchen to look for something to eat. "I'll make a quick dinner," she heard him across the hall.

She didn't have any time to respond to him, besides she felt her stomach growling from hunger. It's been hours since her last meal. She figured a meal with her ex wouldn't hurt.

They sat in silence eating the meal Kashal had prepared. Audrey couldn't help but be curious. Her eyes roamed around the quiet house.

"Your sister doesn't live with your mom?"

Kashal seemed surprised by her inquiry. "Not anymore," he confirmed. He sipped on his water before continuing, "it hasn't been long though,"

"It's unfortunate that it took her getting sick just for us to live closer to each other again," he mentioned about him moving back to the city while his mother receives treatment.

"She doesn't want to be a burden though," She replied. "It adds to the stress caused by the disease."

Kashal let out a small smile. "Yeah, but she keeps on disturbing you. I'm sorry for that. You didn't have to be so nice to her," he bluntly said.

"I offered to help a patient in the hospital I work at. Don't feel burdened about it just because we had a past," she answered, her eyes staring straight at him. She thought it was the moment where they would begin to uncover the heartaches she desperately buried years ago. She braced herself for a confrontation… but it never came.

Kashal broke their eye contact and instead stood up to collect their empty plates. Wordlessly he tidied the place while Audrey went to the living room to wait. She sat on the sofa and stretched her arms and legs. It's been a long day, she just wants to drop on her bed and sleep.

When Kashal went out minutes later with the stuff his mom needs, he found Audrey fast asleep on the sofa. She looked so tired that she fell asleep leaning in an uncomfortable position. He didn't have the heart to wake her so she gently positioned her head on a pillow. Then he fetched a spare blanket to cover her from the cold air.

Audrey didn't stir so he figured he'd let her sleep. The groceries and stuff can wait for tomorrow. He turned off the lights in the room and headed to his own room upstairs. He stopped on the first step just to glance back at her sleeping figure. Many years ago he would carry her back to their bedroom and cuddle her till morning. He doesn't have the right to do that now. All he could do was stare wistfully at the person who was once a big part of his life. With a heavy heart and footsteps, he climbed up to his room to rest.

When daylight came Audrey awoke abruptly by a phone call. It was her secretary, asking her whereabouts. She had told her she'll come in early for work today to prepare for an important meeting. When she didn't show up at the time she promised, her secretary started looking for her.

Audrey told her she'll be in the hospital soon and hung up. She composed herself, a little mortified that she fell asleep at her ex family's home.

Kashal probably heard her talking to the phone as she saw him from the dining room doorway.

"Come eat breakfast, before I drive you home," he called.

She reluctantly followed but knowing she didn't have time to waste, she told him to drive her back to the hospital instead.

"I'm sorry I didn't know if it was okay to wake you last night," he apologized. "you look so tired,"

"Can't have any decent rest this week,"

"Too many patients?"

"That's paperworks for me,"

He nodded in understanding. After having a quick breakfast, Kashal drove back to the hospital. They parted ways at the lobby with Kashal going back to his mom's room while Audrey was headed to her office.

"Aud," he called after her before she stepped on the elevator. "Thanks for my mom," he simply said, relaying all the things she voluntarily does for Larisa. He offers her a small hopeful smile.

Audrey stares at him not sure how to respond. Instead, she nods and smiles at him before turning her back. When the elevator doors closed, she released a deep sigh.

_Thank goodness she was alone again. Or not._

When she reached her floor, she was greeted by an attending wanting her approval for a surgery. They talked for a few moments on the hallway before the doctor hurried down to prepare.

At the same time, the elevator opens again revealing Neil. He met Audrey's eyes which smiled upon seeing him.

"Good morning Dr. Lim," he greeted, his facial expression stiff. The use of her surname gave her the impression something was wrong. He only calls her that when things are not okay. He had no problem calling her by name even after their break up when no one is around them. The hallway is currently empty so why is he being so formal?

"Good morning, _Neil_ ,"

They stood staring at each other, each wanting to say something. She reads his eyes trying to decipher what troubles him. He finally offers her a tired smile before excusing himself when one staff passes by them.

Her gaze followed his retreating back, her brows furrows in understanding.

…..

He saw the two of them.

He saw Audrey getting out of Kashal's car that morning. He was parked just a few meters away but they didn't see him behind them.

The image of them plagues Neil's mind that day. He was thinking about why they were together. Audrey was still wearing her clothes from yesterday.

He was distracted thinking about it while standing in a patient's room a while ago. He wasn't even listening to his residents explaining the treatment to their patient. It didn't help that the surgery they were about to do was a tricky one. And now as he sat down in his office trying to plan for the surgery, his head aches.

He was so lost in his thoughts when he heard a sharp knock on his door.

Claire let herself in bringing a thick file folder and two coffee in her hands.

" was called downstairs," she explained the absence of their missing teammate. "It's just the two of us with this hell of a case."

She walked closer to him and touched his arm to fully get his attention. "I brought some coffee to keep us awake," she placed the cup next to his hand.

"Because Reznick wasn't around I'll charge this to her," she teased.

Neil looked at her who sat down next to him. "Thanks," he mumbled, taking a sip from the cup. He forced his face not to form a reaction. The coffee was too sweet for his liking. _It was even sweeter than Audrey's taste._

 _Audrey again._ Everything goes back to him thinking about her. He closed his eyes briefly composing himself. He has a patient's life to save. It should be his focus at the moment. He will deal with his troubled heart later.

"I thought Reznick wants competition? She's missing an important opportunity right now to use her smarts,"

"Does that mean can I be your first assistant in this case?" Claire asked hopeful.

...

Beyond the glass wall Audrey watches the scene. She couldn't guess what they were talking about. She hoped it was about a patient but she couldn't help feeling hurt seeing them exchanging smiles.

She shouldn't be feeling these things in her position. But her relationship, or the lack of, with him makes its all uncomfortable. But she was still just a human being, able to feel emotions.

Gripping the paper bag of lunch she brought with her, she turned away.

...

Audrey thanked the board meeting had consumed the rest of her day enough for her to hide from him. She doesn't know what to tell him if ever she saw him. She couldn't let another round of argument between the two of them so she chose to stay away as she calmed her negative thoughts.

She arrived at her quiet office. The lights were off which means her secretary had left work early. Turning on the light above her desk, she approached to gather her stuff. She was eager to go home and soak herself in a warm bath to relax herself.

As she was zipping her bag, she finally noticed the foreign object carefully placed on her desk. It was a small ring box placed above a note card. She caught herself holding her breath as she slowly took the note to read it.

 _Happy birthday_.

Her brows knitted in confusion. It's too early for a birthday gift though. The note doesn't say much about its intention other than a simple greeting but she recognized that familiar handwriting. She took the box and held on to it tightly, her heart beating wildly.


	10. Chapter 10

**A** udrey could feel her heart beating anxiously as she walked towards Neil's office the following day. She had spent the night tossing and turning on her bed thinking of his actions the previous day. They really needed to talk before they completely blurred the lines between them. She figured she'd start her morning by stopping by early to talk to him.

She hesitated when she saw him talking with Dr. Blaize but her determination won in the end. As she pushed the door to his office, she caught the end of their conversation.

"...has metastasized to her organs. There's nothing that we can do anymore,"

"Did you inform her family?" Neil asked but his eyes went wide when he noticed Audrey standing beside the door.

"Sorry. Don't mind me," she waved them off. "Just here to discuss something with Dr. Melendez but you two can finish your thing first. I can wait," her eyes never left his worried ones.

"It's fine. I'm about to leave anyway," Dr. Blaize turned back towards Neil. "I'll go inform them." She excused herself leaving the two alone.

Silence enveloped the space between them, their eyes quietly trying to read each other's troubles.

"That was Larisa," she looked confused so Neil explained. "They moved her back to the intensive care unit last night,"

"Why?"

Neil told her the ordeal the night before led Larisa inside the ICU. If Audrey wasn't a doctor she wouldn't understand how fast Larisa's health deteriorated. She looked fine the last time she visited her. Now the disease is acting on its most aggressive form.

She was pulled from her thoughts when she felt a warm hand enveloping hers. She realized Neil had stepped closer to her when she didn't respond to him.

"You should go and see her," he softly whispered, his hand squeezing her cold one.

...

She wasn't able to see her upon reaching her room. Staff were busy inside and all she could do was stare beyond the glass walls.

A few minutes passed by and she heard soft footsteps near her. Turning to her left she saw Kashal.

His eyes were glued to his mother, pain evident on his face. She wants to comfort him for this inevitable loss but the last time she comforted someone over loss, it didn't go well. She doesn't know if she has the right to comfort him as well.

"They were asking me to sign it," Kashal broke the silence between them. Audrey heard it from Neil that they had talked about the DNR order with his mother.

"I'm sorry," was all she could say. Dealing with loss was already a hard one as a doctor, but what more if you knew the patient. Makes things more complicated and difficult.

"I don't want to," his eyes glassy with unshed tears. He watched as staff worked on her mother who was now so different from what she looked a week ago. She was already thin due to the treatments she had undergone for months. But hope was thin against the aggressive disease she faces. Cancer slowly ate her health. Now as she lie against her deathbed, she barely recognizes the people around her. Her words become unintelligible as the clock ticks by.

"I know as a doctor you'll say to me it's for the best... I understand that but, " he paused before confessing, "I'm not yet ready,"

"No one is ever ready when it comes to death," she replied. "but sometimes, we are faced with hard decisions. We let the people we love go to prevent more pain,"

Kashal met her eyes at her statement. She was confused. She couldn't read them, no not anymore. They no longer know each other the way it used to be. The eye contact lasted for a few more seconds before he turned back to enter his mother's room.

And all Audrey could do was watch with a heavy heart.

...

Late that night, as Audrey's shift was about to end, she was on the ICU floor again. She had a trauma patient that came in the ER that afternoon. She performed an emergency surgery for that patient which was the reason why she was on that floor.

Satisfied with the patient's stable condition, she exited the room and gave back the patient's chart to the nurse station. She passed by the waiting area and saw that it was almost empty except for one person.

Looking at him sitting alone inside the dark room - he looked so lonely. Audrey thought he was asleep but suddenly he raised his head and their eyes met.

With all the courage she had left, she approached him, not minding any staff that might see them. It was late already. Besides everyone is busy with their own business in that ICU.

She quietly sat two seats apart from Kashal. Neither talked for minutes, but the grief was loud enough for both to hear.

"I haven't had a good day with her," he broke the silence. Audrey looked at him confused. _'What do you mean?'_

"I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a moment with her. I had spent my everyday life in a repeated routine for years. I was always busy at work, trying to build and maintain my career. I always thought of the future, thinking of different possibilities, but I never thought of losing mom," he admitted in a low voice, his eyes downcast. "I had lived while expecting her to be always there, that's because she was always there for me... even when I wasn't."

Audrey listened to him pour his heart out and somehow she could relate to him, even though she hasn't lost anyone to death.

"It hurt for me to see her in pain. All those machines and medicines they give her, Audrey..." he looked her in the eye. "I can't see that. But you are used to it. You see patients like my mom. I can't imagine how you do that and not break,"

He paused for a second, trying to control the tears forming in his eyes. He can't in front of his ex wife even in this situation.

"I gave my consent to the doctors," he revealed.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you," she offered against the anticipated grief he is dealing with. No words could comfort the grieving but Audrey thought the least thing she could do was to give her silent support. After all, Larisa treated her nicely even after the divorce.

Nobody talked for minutes. They could hear the beeping machines from the ICU signalling the fragile lives that lay inside. It was unusually quiet that night. No code blues that alerts the staff. No new admissions or transfers that require delicate care.

It was simply quiet.

"We let the people we love go to prevent more pain," he echoed her words earlier breaking the short silence between them. "When you said that, I thought it was absurd."

"Why would you let someone you love go? Instead, we should prevent their death, their pain, the best that we could do. But then I saw her and I felt weak and helpless. There wasn't anything I could do," he released a sigh. "Just when I thought I couldn't let go, I released I've done it before,"

Kashal looked at her again and bravely asked, "Have you wondered why we broke up?"

She looked at him incredulously at the sudden mention of their past. "We can't work it out because of our work," her eyes fixed on him. "That was the impression it had on me,"

He let out a bittersweet smile, "I can't let you choose between me and your career."

"And you choose your career though," her voice was sharp.

"Would you have chosen me if I asked you?"

Audrey thought for a moment before looking away. She didn't know the answer to that. That was a long time ago and it was before she had established a career in her present workplace.

"See? I can't do that to you. It's unfair,"

"What happened was unfair. You made the decision. You didn't give us a fighting chance," she retaliated.

"We would end up resenting each other if one gave way for the other. We would still break apart," he replied. "But I admit I was wrong for not communicating with you. It's years late but Audrey," he called her name softly while holding her hand. He slightly caresses the finger where her wedding band used to be. "I'm really sorry for letting our relationship go like that,"

She stared down at their joined hands. Her eyes were a little bit glassy but no tears would dare fall down in front of him. He didn't deserve to see her crumble. The feelings of hurt and disappointment she had long forgotten resurfaced again. It was the closure she had been looking for so long. But it was years late. Her failed relationship had prevented her from opening her heart again to others, not until recently.

"Why are you suddenly mentioning this?" she whispered.

He let go of her hand and looked straight ahead to the direction of his mother's room. "We let the people we love go to prevent more pain," he repeated. "When you said that, I remember a love that I reluctantly let go,"

"I realized we never had a decent talk about what happened. We just drifted apart but the tension was there. No fights, no tears, just us with our mask on while signing the divorce papers. And then after that we pretended nothing had happened."

"I owe you an apology. You deserve to hear it," he told her.

She didn't speak but acknowledged it with a light nod.

"I hope you never come to a point where you have to choose between love or career again. And if it happens, please choose your happiness even if it means choosing both. Live the life you want. We have only one chance here on earth," his eyes still sadly staring in the ICU.

...

Neil also stayed late that night due to a long surgery procedure. He had some papers due for the Chief's signature so he asked his intern to bring it in her office but when he heard that she's still inside the hospital he figured he'd deliver it himself.

The hallway was quiet but it was nothing unusual in that part of the hospital. Audrey's secretary was long gone so he knocked on her door before opening it. Her office was dimly lit. She was sitting on the sofa leaning forward with both of her hands covering her face.

"Audrey?" he called softly.

Realizing that she wasn't alone, she sat up straight wiping her face quickly. He could only see her back but he knew that she was crying.

He approached her slowly, giving her time to compose herself if she didn't want to be seen in her fragile state. He placed the papers he was holding on the table before sitting beside her.

Eventually she turned to him so Neil said, "I just dropped by to have you sign those papers,"

"You need it now?"

"On Monday. You have some time to review it,"

"Okay."

He could have left after that but Neil watched her avoid his eyes so he couldn't help but ask. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She knew he would ask and honestly Audrey was fine it's only him who saw her letting her guards down.

"I know I suck at handling my grief before. I did say things that hurt you but I learned my lesson. Let me make it up to you now," with that he carefully held her hand. He gauge her reaction and when she didn't resist he started rubbing comforting circles on her palm.

"I'm sad about Larisa but I wasn't crying because of that," she opened up after a while. She met his questioning eyes and gave him a sad smile. "Kashal just apologized to me… for breaking up with me."

"He told me the reason why and honestly, even though it's been so long, it felt like a heavy weight from my past had been lifted."

Neil gave her a smile. He was happy for her even if he's slightly uncomfortable with the idea of her and ex husband having an intimate talk.

"Was it weird that it made me cry? I usually don't cry easily," she questioned herself.

"No no. That happens when you lock unresolved issues in you for so long," he consoled. "Just cry and then afterwards you'll finally feel better."

"I'm done crying. I don't wanna dwell on that any longer," she sniffed, wiping the last of her tears. "Besides there's more tears to shed soon," she said thinking of Larisa.

"Yes. And you shouldn't spend your birthday in a gloomy mood though," he tries to cheer her up. "Take a break from all of this this weekend."

"I'll just spend it at home this time,"

"I know you'd say that. Come with me tomorrow Aud. I'll bring you somewhere you can unwind and feel better," Neil was anxious if she will accept his invitation. A weekend with her was too forward in his plan to bring back their good friendship. _Audrey might think I'm rushing her._

She caught his eyes and saw all the feelings he had been patiently restraining for her. She recognizes those feelings. She feels them too. _'Live the life you want,'_ she hears Kashal's voice in her head.

She's been putting her career first all her life, and now she's living it in the position she dreamt of. But her happiness doesn't stop there and she knows what is missing. It's time to work for that missing piece in the life that she wants.

"Okay," she agreed.

Neil beamed in happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the hardest chapter to write for personal reasons so sorry for the late update. Next one will be happier I promise.

**Author's Note:**

> XOX While this story may reference some scenes from the series, majority of it will deviate from canon :)


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